Life, Later On

I was at a wedding this weekend.  Ther sermon talked all about two people getting married and creating offspring.  The toasts and much of the talk of the evening had to do with this.  While listening to all of this I just started to think that I will never have that.  The only question is,  is that because I don’t want it or that I can’t have it because I can’t find anybody near what would be necessary for that to happen?

Both options are quite plausible.  I don’t think I could be a housewife.  I don’t know how women, because women are generally the ones who do this, can stay home to cook and clean.  I’d have to have a career.  I don’t think sitting at home all day caring for all these other people with little time for myself would be very fulfilling.  Even if I did have a career, I don’t know that I would be able to put everydboy before it.  If I was offered to move to pursue my career, to move higher up in whatever I end up doing, I don’t know for sure that I could stay put for the betterment of the whole unit.  On the other hand, maybe I’m just creating excuses for not being able to have this becasue I’ve yet to find anything vaguely familiar to anything I want.  My needs are specific, but they’re so general at the same time, yet I can’t seem to be able to check even one thing off the list with anyone.  Maybe, I’m just making excuses so I can turn down any semblance of commitment.

Muses and Observations

Two years ago I went through some type of slightly depressive funk.  I had a yellow folder I wrote all over until it became bits and pieces.  I transferred it to a notebook.  I thought I’d do something with it.  Here are some of the lovely (haha, yeah…) things I recorded.

I have plenty of sympathy to offer–just not for you.

Fear shrouds almost everything.

Why is America such an oxymoron?

You say you want to know about me, but you don’t even want the abridged version.

Why does unconditional have so many conditions? (actually, I only wrote this on the folder because it had to do with something else I was writing, that though, is beyond the point)

Is this just some illusion my mind created?  Is it real?  Is this how I really feel?  Is this who I really am?

Don’t talk about me.  Don’t ask me questions because you deserve no answer.

I’m saying exactly what I mean.  You’re just not listening.

I don’t want to fade.  I don’t want to become an essence of who I once was.

I don’t want to cry.  It’s a weakness I don’t want to have.

This proclomation of hate isn’t fictitious.

Iron shavings fell to the floor as she tried to break her ironman.

I’m sick of trying to fit into your mold.

Why is it that even though you know exactly what you look like, you still expect to see something different in the mirror?

You could tell he played basketball by the broadness of his shoulders.  You could tell he thought he was cool by the swagger in his stride.  You could tell he was small by his big talk. (this obviously had nothing to do with whatever I was going through, but I thought it was fun and it was in the notebook so it was game.)

There’s no pirated version of love, but we can pretend.

Are those who are yong brave or just not smart enough to be ashamed?

It’s not lying if secrecy is your state of safety.

Exclamation points are overrused.  No one is that happy.

I’m sick of this eating away at me.  It’s like an acid I can’t control.

I wish the web we weaved wasn’t a tangled one.

I think that’s enough for now.  It’s funny.  A lot of these had to do with my dislike for people.  I didn’t even hate everybody then.  Now I do because I’m so sick of fakeness.

On Morality

Why do people always want to know the morals of a presidential candidate?  Does it matter?  They shouldn’t be inflicting theirs on you anyway.  They shoul dbe doing what is best for the country and its constituents.  Theirs morals nor their personal lives are that exactly, theirs.  It’s their business.  It has nothing to do with us.  They should be elected based on how they would run the country and how they will deal with the shortcomings of the system.  Their own personal shortcomings shoul dbe left them.  That’s not what we should elect them based on.

Rejection of Labels

We should reject labels.  There is no need to categorize people on everything.  It’s pointless.  All it does is create an obviousness in differences between people.  People don’t like things that are different.  They begin to reject these people they are not like.  We should just reject labels.  Rejecting labels is one step closer to rejecting discrimination.  It takes us one step closer to rejecting hate.

Life Elsewhere

There has to be some sort of life out there somewhere.  It may not be anywhere close but the universe is vast, infinite.  We can’t be the only ones out there.  Organic material came together once to create our planet, plants, and animals.  It can’t be the only time it’s ever happened.

Insight

There are certain types of videos I can’t help but love.  Yes, I enjoy being entertained, but videos that actually give you an insight into a person whether you know them are not are the most impactful.  They allow to see the depth that a person really has.  There is seeing them and then there is seeing them.

  (booshoe37)

  (brookers)

There are more.  As I stumble upon them, or re-stumble, I may add them here.

Soccer Moms

I don’t understand the lifestyle of a soccer mom.  You know, the type of mom that drives her kids all over the place for their so-called extra-curriculars and various sport practices.  She makes sure they get to church every Sunday, but don’t really believe the nonsense they preach there.  It’s just an appearance.  They go to PTO/PTA meetings and act like what they’re doing really matters.  The school fundraiser doesn’t matter.  They’re not making any difference in the world. All they do is talk about their hair appointments and compare thir kids, houses, and cars.  How can they live life so uninvolved in matters that actually, well, matter?

Religion

Think of all the war it has caused, all the conflict, all the death.  Wouldn’t we be better off without it?

Death

Why are people scared to die?  It’s just the end.  You die and then you decompose.  It’s nothingness.  It’s an endless sleep without dreams.  You don’t have to think, you’re simply gone.  It’s not that unfathomable.

Why do people need a coping mechanism of sorts for death?  That’s all that religion is, that is all that heaven, paradise, and reincarnation are.  I don’t understand fear of death.  Once you’re gone it doesn’t matter anymore.  You don’t even know you are dead.  You don’t know anything.  You don’t think.  You just cease to exist.

Gender

If you think about it, it’s really weird the way someone can look at you and immediatly know your gender (well this statement is true for the majority of us anyways).  I understand the purpose of this, but think of how much easier life would be for so many people if were all anrogynous.  It would solve sexuality problems becuase you wouldn’t even know a person’s gender until you were doing something with them.  People could never have the labels “confused” or “gay” or “bi,” as there would only be one label for human sexuality (limited within attraction for the human species of course).  The disappearance of sexuality labels would decrease the number of hate crimes.  There would be no sort of gender identity problems as there wouldn’t be a gender, in the sense that we know it, to identify with.

By no means am I advocating a utopian society where people all look alike or anything like that.  I love the differences between people and looking like my own gender (which I’m assuming you can guess just by the way I write despite the fact I have I don’t think I’ve mentioned it).  I’m just pondering things.